


All I Have

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Points of View
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-24
Updated: 2005-06-24
Packaged: 2018-12-27 11:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12080556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: There is a car crash and a new found revelation.





	All I Have

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

I was sitting at my computer looking over some documents when I got the call. I had been sitting there waiting for Justin all night. It was 2 and he still hadn’t shown up. I was getting pissed thinking that he was with someone else when I got the call.

It was his mother and she sounded upset, “What’s wrong?” I said worried about what might have happened to her.

“It’s Justin” suddenly I felt all my insides sink down, “He was in a car crash, and he’s in critical condition.”

“I’ll be there in about 15.” I run out of the house not even turning on the alarm but I do lock the door.

I get into my car and speed to the hospital.

Justin’s P.O.V.  
I walked out of Babylon with Emmett, “So, Justin you’re heading to Brian right now right?”

“Of course he can’t be without me.” I give him a smile and then look at my watch it reads; 1:00. “Well I better get going, I’ll see you later.”

He waves me goodbye and I head to the car. I was driving the new car Brian bought for me; he bought it because he didn’t like me taking a cab everywhere I went. Then I start the car and drive away. I am anticipating my visit with Brian. He was working all night so he didn’t go to Babylon with me. But instead he asked Emmett to go with me so I wouldn’t be alone or more so he could have an eye on me.

I was going down the road at the normal speed limit even though I wanted to speed down the road so bad. I just got the car a week ago and I’d rather not have my first time out to Babylon in it, ending with a ticket. I came to an intersection and suddenly I saw bright headlights in my driver’s side window, they were close.

Brian’s P.O.V.  
I had finally got to the hospital. I ran up to the secretary’s desk, “Where is Justin Taylor?” she starts looking on her computer, “Dammit lady where is he?” Jennifer must have heard my voice because she ran over to me. She gave me a big hug crying hysterically. “Where is he Jennifer, I have to see him?”

She pulls back off of me, “The doctor is seeing him now.”

“What is wrong with him? What happened?”

“He was hit on his side of the car at an intersection. He is in a coma right now.”

I walk myself over to a chair falling into it. “What, howâ€¦how did it happen?”

“A driver fell asleep at the wheel and hit his driver’s side at an intersection.”

“Oh my God”, I lay my head back putting my hand on my face, “It’s all my fault”

“What are you talking about? It is not even remotely your fault Brian.”

“I insisted he went to Babylon without me because I had work to do and I didn’t want him sitting at the house doing nothing. If I would’ve went we would have been there until 2 and none of this would have happened.” She shook her head telling me it wasn’t my fault “What happened to the other driver?”

“He was in a bigger truck so not much. He is in one of the rooms getting a cast on his arm and some stitches.” She sort of pointed over to a room a little ways down the hall.

I got up and walked there. I walked into the room and a doctor was putting a bandage over his eye where he must have got the stitches. “I’m sorry sir you can’t be in here.”

“Yeah well he shouldn’t be in here either” I say pointing to the man who did this to Justin. “You should be where Justin is. You should be in the coma. You should be unable to speak or move.” I start walking towards him a few nurses hold me back, “You did this to him! You put him there all because you were stupid enough to fall asleep at the wheel!” They start to push me out the door, “You are going to hell for this! If anything happens to him I swear I will hunt you down and you will wish you were dead. The scars you are getting from this accident won’t be all you will be worried about. There will be a lot more than that when I’ll be done with you.”

They drag me back to the waiting room and a few security officers come up to me. One of them walks back to where the man who hit Justin is and comes back. He whispers something into the ear of the security officer who is talking to me about how threatening is illegal. Then the officer turns to me. “It turns out that the man you threatened does not want to press charges.”

I say okay and they walk off. Jennifer puts one hand on my knee, “Why?”

“I don’t know. As soon as you pointed to the room he was in I had to see him.” Then the doctor comes in and says we can go see Justin now.

Jennifer gets up and walks to the room. I grab the doctor to talk to him, “How bad is it? Give it to me straight”

“Are you family?”

“I’m his boyfriend.” He gives me a look wondering if he should really say anything, “Please Doc I need to know.”

“Well it’s not looking too good. He has brain activity and he is breathing well.”

I give him a look, “but?”

“But, the coma seems to be breaking down his mind. Not in a way that he will be mentally disabled, but more of that if he comes out of it, well he probably won’t remember much of anything.” I give him a look of disbelief. “Meaning he probably won’t remember that you are his boyfriend.”

I hang my head, “Is there a possibility that he will come back out being as normal as before.”

“Yes there is. There is about a 15% chance that he will. But it is very unlikely that he will come back with the full memory he had before.”

I start to walk to his room, saying this loud enough for the doctor to hear, “he’s strong, and he’ll prove the medical world that he can do it.”

I walk into the room and look at Justin. He is hooked up to machines. I come up to the opposite side of the bed that his mother is on. She stands up from the chair she is sitting at. “You can have your chance to speak to him I’ve already had mine.” 

She gets up and walks out of the room. I look around at all the machines, “What have you gotten yourself into Sunshine?” I take my hand and rub the back of it against his cheek; his left cheek has stitches where some glass must have cut him. So I rub the other one instead, and then I break down crying, “Oh god Justin. Why did I let this happen? I should have told you to stay. In my mind I wanted you there. I wanted you there to look at me while I was typing at the computer. I wanted your presence around me. I wanted every break I had to be shared with you.”

Then I lay my head next to his side on the bed. I grab his hand holding it so while I lay there I can feel him. I can hear him breathing, and every time his heart beats a machine shows you. I hate this feeling inside me, telling me that for once in my life I can’t do anything.

Being in the room with Justin is all too much for me so I walk out of the room and I go outside to use the phone. I call Michael because I need someone to talk to. He gets there in about 20 minutes and walks up to me as I sit in the waiting room drinking a coffee. He sits next to me and grabs my hand. But right now it seems like I can’t feel anything.

“How is he?” I give him a look that says it all, “How are you holding up?”

“Well let’s just say I wish it was me. It’s all my fault anyways. I told him to go to Babylon so that he wasn’t stuck at the house the whole time while I did work. I should have just told him to stay. Because inside I wanted him there but I just couldn’t tell him that.”

He put his hand on my leg, “It’s not your fault Brian”.

I jumped up out of the chair, “Why do people keep telling me that?! I know it’s my fault. I just want him back with me right now. We don’t need this I don’t need this. I need him to be okay. I need him to be next to me.”

He stands up and puts his arms around my waist and gives me a full hug. Then I break down crying. I’m crying into his shoulder, and then he pulls me to face him, putting his hands on my face, “Justin is strong. He will be okay. He’s dealt with you this long he must be invincible. He’ll come back out of this remembering everything.”

Then he kisses me, but not a love kiss just a reassuring one. Then he pulls away and grabs my hand taking me to Justin’s room. We both stand outside the window in the hallway facing towards Justin’s room. I turn around, my back to the window. “I can’t look at him like this.”

“Are you going to stay with him tonight?”

“Not if Jennifer is. But if she goes home I won’t be able to leave his side. I can’t take the chance of him waking up and no one’s there.”

He gives me a hug and kisses me on the cheek and leaves. He knows there isn’t anymore he can do. Later Jennifer tells me she isn’t going to stay. I can tell she wants to but her job just won’t let her. I tell her to call me whenever she wants to find out how he is doing.

I ended up putting two chairs together as my bed. Even though I didn’t really want to sleep at all. Finally it was the morning and Emmett came to the hospital to see how Justin was. He must have heard the news from Michael.

“Hey so how is my knight in shining armor doing?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean the knight in shining armor that came to dear Justin’s rescue. Being by his side all night.” That hit me like a knife in the heart. 

“Shut the fuck up Emmett.” I pulled the chairs away from me sitting on one and giving the other to Emmett.

“What’s wrong?” He sits down putting one hand on my knee

“I didn’t come to his rescue it’s my fault he’s in here in the first place.” I explained to him about last night, when I told Justin to go ahead even though I wanted him there.

“It’s not your fault at all. He wanted to go to Babylon; he just finished his last exam and was ready for a night out.”

“I can’t lose him Emmett”

“Do you love him Brian?” I have grown tired of hearing that question asked to me over and over again.

“You can ask me anything Emmett. You can ask me anything about Justin, and I’ll know the answer. You can ask me what I feel for Justin and I know the answer. You can even ask me what he looks like in his sleep and how he likes to be held after a bad day. But when you ask me if I love him, I just can’t answer that”

“Well you just did.”

“What, no I didn’t.”

“Brian” he gives me a look.

“Don’t Brian me Emmett. I didn’t say that.”

“But you did, everything you just said is what love is. You care about him, you watch him closely, you can’t be without him, and you are afraid for him. You love him Brian you don’t have to admit it by saying love but its there.”

I lay my head back in the chair. When did this happen? When did I feel this way? He used to just be someone that I always wanted around, now I can’t be without him in more ways then one. Maybe Emmett was right, no wait a second Emmett right not possible.

Then I felt Emmett grab my hand, “It’s okay to feel this way, I won’t tell anyone that you have located your heart.” He sort of chuckles, “It doesn’t hurt to be happy.”

“I know but it does hurt him when I say that to him and then I break his heart. I can’t do that. I have caused too much pain to him. I can’t do more with love hanging over it.”

“Well tell him how you feel about him even if it doesn’t consist of the word love.” I nod my head, “Well I have to go. You’ll call me if anything new happens or if you need to talk.”

“Okay, thank you for stopping by it helped.” 

After Emmett left I just sat there and thought about what I had silently confessed to myself. What was I getting myself into with this kid? Then I turned to look him in the face and I realized what I was getting myself into. I mean look at him, he thought he won me on the first day we met. And without him knowing I knew he did.

 

I was there day in and day out for a week before I finally left the hospital. I knew I had things to do at home even though I wanted to be by his said at all times. I gave him a kiss goodbye before I left then I did. I told the hospital to call me at every new development.

I got home and threw my keys on the sofa. I looked at my desk to see that nothing had changed since I left it a week ago. I walked over to my bed a laid down. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I felt like my world was crumbling around me. Then I looked over to look out the window. But something caught my attention.

It was the drawing that Justin did of me. Then I broke down. I can’t lose him. I don’t want to be without him. I want him here right now. I want him to lie next to me and I want to hold him close.

The next day I showed up to work. I got a lot of my stuff done that I needed to, so that I could be with Justin tomorrow. I figured every other day until he is better. Which I know will be soon then I will be spending every night with him again.

Justin’s P.O.V.  
I felt like my head had been stabbed by a knife. I gripped the sheets around me realizing then I had no idea where I am. I opened my eyes and everything was fuzzy. I swallowed and my mouth was dry. I had no idea what was going on. Then I heard someone run into whatever room I was in.

“Justin!” Some man is yelling in my face. I open my eyes to see that they are clearing up and I can see again. It looks like a doctor then I get worried. “Can you hear me?!”

“Water please.” He walks out of the room and comes back with a cup of water.

“Do you know your name?” I take a drink

“Justin, Justin Taylor.” I feel my voice sounding scratchy, “What’s wrong with my voice”

“Justin you were in a coma for 8 days now. You were in a car crash.”

Then he started asking me questions; birthday, state this is, president, parents’ name, and what I last remembered.

“I last remember leaving Babylon with Emmett I get into my car and I drove away. Wait! What happened to my car is it bad?”

“We’ll worry about that in a second.”

“Okay well I drove away heading to Brian’s and then I came to an intersection and saw bright headlights in my driver’s side window. That’s all I remember. Where’s Brian? Does he know?”

“You mean your boyfriend, he’s been hereâ€¦”

“He’s not my boyfriend”

“Well that’s not what he said”

“You must have heard him wrong he’s not my boyfriend.”

“Well despite that, he was here for a week then he left to go back home yesterday. Actually when I left here I was going to call him, because he wanted to know every new development and I promised him that he would.”

“Oh so what are you going to tell him.”

“Well you are doing wonderful. We do have a few more tests but it looks like he was right. You were strong and you came out perfectly. He’ll be happy to know that he proved me wrong.”

“Ok”

Brian’s P.O.V.  
I had just pulled out one of our new advertisement campaigns when my cell went off. Normally I would ignore it but I saw that it had the hospital number on it. The doctor told me he was back awake.

I decided there are more important things than some stupid advertisement that could make me a load of money. I got into my jeep and headed to the hospital at full speed.

I got to the hospital and casually walked to Justin’s room because I didn’t want to seem so much of a hurry. When I walked into the room everyone was there; Ted, Emmett, Michael, Melanie, Lindsay, Debbie, and Jennifer.

“Well if it’s not the U.G.P. and some reunion”

Lindsay turned to look at me, “The what Brian”

“The United gays of Pittsburgh and some reunion.”

The only one who laughed was Justin. I walked up to him pushing people out of my way. I grabbed his hand. I felt good just to feel his warmth again. Everyone walked out of the room. I didn’t care I was happy to be alone with him.

“Hey sunshine how you doing?”

“Better than being asleep the whole time. Especially better now that you’re here. I heard you were here for a week.”

“Or so yeah. I didn’t want you waking up without someone you knew by your side. And there you go being the stubborn one you are and you wake up the day after I leave your side.”

“I’m not stubborn I just don’t give up.” He reaches his other hand over and pulls me towards him for a full warm kiss. “Like I don’t give up on you. So the doctor said you were my boyfriend? Want to explain this new found revelation?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I only said that so I could get information out of him about your condition.”

“Uh huh. You know you want me as your boyfriend.”

I lean into him for another kiss but not before saying, “not a boyfriend Justin. Just a really cute boy I love to have for my every whim and will.”

“Well that’s a step at least you love to have me.” I kiss him just to shut him up and he knows it. Then I start to walk out of the room, “I love you too Brian.”

I walk out to the waiting room where everyone else is. “Now who else wants a whack at him for the scare he put us through.”

Jennifer and Debbie got up and walked to his room. “Brian come here.” I look over to see Lindsay staring right at me patting a seat next to her.

“Where’s Melanie?”

“She went to get food. But that doesn’t matter I need to talk to you.”

“Because this isn’t odd at all.” So I sit down anyways.

“So I heard you were here everyday for a week. That’s a lot of devotion for you don’t you think. A little too obvious on your feelings possibly.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. The kid needed someone to watch him and not to mention the hot male nurses around here.”

“Whatever Brian can’t you be real for once. Oh wait that would be breaking some kind of Brian Kinney code wouldn’t it. You wouldn’t want to disappoint what we think of you by actually being true to your feelings. Now would you?”

“What feelings? You all need to give up.” Then I look at everyone else in the room, “Give up guys. I’m not saying anything.”

Then I get up and walk away.

 

Justin’s P.O.V.  
It was about a week before I was all better. I got my cast off and my stitches out. And the first thing I did was went to Babylon.

It’s been a week since my first time back to Babylon and I have been noticing something very odd about Brian. He keeps turning tricks down.

Like tonight we’re sitting at the bar and someone comes over whispers something in Brian’s ear and points his head towards the backroom and Brian shook his head. The guy was gorgeous I would have gone if I wasn’t in love with Brian.

I grabbed Brian’s hand and he kissed me, “Hey baby have you been with that one before or something?”

“No, but he didn’t interest me at all.”

“Yeah neither does any of the other guys for the past week. And considering we haven’t exactly been our regular selves in bed since the accident I figured you’d be with any guy you could.”

“Yeah, do you want to go home? I’m a little tired. We can go be together. You’re better than any of these guys anyways.” He says while leaning in to kiss me.

I’m a victim to the Brian Kinney kiss, “Yeah sure, I’m tired too.”

Then we head to the car hand in hand. When we get to the jeep I push him against the car and start kissing. I pull away to look him in the eyes, “Brian why didn’t you go with that trick? Why haven’t you gone with any tricks lately? More like why you haven’t since I came back from the hospital?”

“More like since the crash. I haven’t been with any guys since that night. Because after I saw you in there I decided I didn’t want to.”

“Why? That never stopped you before.”

“Justin I want to be with you and only you.”

“Brian that’s too big of a commitment for you. Don’t say that.”

He put his hands on my waist and brought himself into me kissing me long in hard. Then he pulled away and looked me in the eyes, “I can do it trust me.”

“Brian don’t you hurt me. Don’t say something like that and go back on it now. You can take it away now if you want and we’ll act like you never said anything at all ok?”

“Not a chance. I said it and I meant it. I have gone three weeks without a single trick. I don’t need them I need you.”

I leaned into him and kissed him and that’s when I knew he meant it. “I love you Brian.”

“I love you too.”


End file.
